Deportment at work

I went to a certain organization this past week to get a certain job done. I was really shocked at what I saw. The ladies who worked there all seemed as though they were in some kind of world of their own. I may be naïve, but is it normal for your workmates to be touching you all over anyhow and anytime?’ Groping you as if you are some avocado on sale and customers are checking if the avocado is ripe. I would definitely take that as sexual harassment but ‘those’ ladies seemed to be enjoying the attention!

We have special bodies and it is our duty to take care of these bodies. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:19, 20 “What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.” Why then do you want to cheapen yourself and allow every Jack and Jill to abuse you? It is a pity that some think they are actually beautiful that is why they are ‘available’ to all to touch. It is pathetic. Let us wake up ladies and present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God (Romans 12:1). No matter how much we may enjoy the attention, it is still sin. The only person with the right to touch you is your husband and nobody else.

Stay clean!

Submission

Submission is not an easy thing to do but it must be done anyways. The Lord wants us to submit to our own husbands (Ephesians 5:22). This is one of the greatest challenges I have ever faced in my marriage. Submission is to accept the authority of another; it is to accept that your husband is the leader and head of the family.  Obedience, compliance, giving in, surrender – these words give flesh to the term submission. Of course, submission in the Lord. You do not have to sin in the name of submission.

In this world we are told to stand alone, to be independent. Yes it is good but to a certain extent. There is a time that we ought to be submissive. Submission would entail discussions instead of argument, I will serve you instead of you serving me, I will obey you, and I will respect your requests. I guess men are dying inside for such a submissive wife. A home needs a leader and without one there will only be chaos in the home.  

Being submissive does not mean you lose your identity and be a doormat. You do not have to be abused but take your place as the wife and do all that is expected of you under the Godly leadership of your husband. Sometimes you may have to sacrifice your dignity. Consider Christ when He came here on earth; He was born in poverty, lived a lonesome and painful life and died the death of an evil man. Yet He was the Creator of all. Whatever your calling may be, listen to the voice of God and He will guide you in your paths. Our marriages are not all the same. The leadership styles that we receive from our husbands are not the same. Go to Christ and ask Him to teach you to be submissive and to give you the strength thereof.

Go physical and boost your mood

Physical exercise is a blessing indeed. There is always something about exercising (just enough to deepen your breath) that boosts the mood. From henceforth, I will go for exercises whenever my spirits are low. I may not be able to explain the science behind it all but it does work.

                          

Recently I was feeling depressed because my life didn’t seem to be moving in the direction I intended it to be. I was bored and lost the sense of doing anything. Something just crossed my mind (I think it was the Holy Spirit) and told me to go skipping. I took my rope and there I was jumping up and down. In no time I was enjoying myself. Straight after this I went to take a quick shower. Then I decided to get back and do whatever I was doing. I remembered that I was all sulking but now it was something else. I was ready to face my challenges and to move on with life. No wonder the Lord hates laziness (Proverbs 6:6-11). 

Physical exercise is beneficial to our wellbeing. Be active even around the house, do your chores, have a garden, do a hobby that will help exercise such as ball games.

Flirting...

It is funny how people indulge so casually in flirting as if it does not have any effect on us. It causes pain, hate, divorce, insecurity and many other things alike. Yet we still stand up and defend this act. We may define flirting in whatever way we may but for the sake of this discussion, we shall define flirting as Wikipedia puts it across; “flirting is a playful, romantic, or sexual overture by one person to another subtly indicating an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person.”

Flirting can be expressed in many different forms ranging from eye contact, physical touch, tone of voice, body language, smiles, subtle glance, cyberspace texting or chatting, wink of an eye, sexual jokes, double meaning comments, giggling, teasing, choice of words, the list goes on. Not all smiles or compliments are a form of flirting but when the compliment intentionally seduces the other, it becomes flirting. Some people flirt in order to bond or to express their sexual interests.

When flirting; you suddenly become overly friendly, the eyes have that sparkle, spirits are lifted up and the mood is just so appealing. That is why I believe flirting should be devoted to marriage and marriage alone. Imagine giving your husband such attention – it will be so sweet, so romantic and so rightfully placed. We all need attention, appreciation and it will be more appropriate when it comes from your husband. It will help neutralize tensions and generally make life worth living.

When flirting is exchanged between people of the opposite sex (not married to each other) it becomes a problem. Where is the harm you may ask – this kind of flirting is actually playing with fire. As the flirting becomes ‘exciting’, you tend to feel a lot more attracted and drawn towards each other. You are treading on dangerous ground. Surely this ‘relationship’ has to grow and the direction it can grow to is to indulge in sexual activity. It may not be sex with this actual person but it could be with anyone else apart from your spouse or even other sexual immoralities.

Flirting is actually cheating. You are sharing your intimate affections with someone that is not your husband. Only your husband has to enjoy such privileges. You can do everything else with anyone but the ‘marriage bed’ (sex) is holy and for your husband alone (Hebrews 13:4). With flirting it is within the steps that lead to a more intimate sexual relationship. A more fulfilling and satisfying relationship can be achieved through this. Now when you have a flirting partner, you are depriving your spouse of their privileges. Sometimes when you get back to your spouse, you are satisfied and not ‘in the mood’; your spouse has to suffer because of your secret actions. We cannot talk about flirting outside marriage – it is a no-no.

Every indulgence in this area tends to make you bolder for even more. And once you enjoy the first level you will be so determined to take it to the next. It is necessary that we put a stop to flirting before it gets out of hand. Restrict it to marriage and enjoy it there. It will actually strengthen your bond. There is a saying that says the grass always seems greener elsewhere but do not entertain that thought. It is a deceiving thought. The Bible advises us in Proverbs 5:15 “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.” We have to be satisfied with our husbands.

Have your life hidden in Christ and you will not be immoral.

1 Peter 2:11 “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul” 

Matthew 5:8 “Blessed [are] the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”

Finally, 2 Thessalonians 5:22 “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”

Not at war

I sometimes shudder to think that there are some people who see their marriage as battle fields and are always in a struggle to come out the winner. It is sad. God teaches us that the marriage union is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and His church. We see nowhere in the Bible Christ in competition with His church but He always gives unselfish love. Christ died for His church and He promises life eternal for His church! He seems to be the one giving and giving and giving. What unselfishness!

My sisters we are not at war with our husbands. We are partners in this marriage. The environment that we live in has made us to be generally competitive in almost everything. We want to be the one to say the last word; we want to be the last man standing. Marriage won’t work with such a spirit.

Love your husband unselfishly, putting their desires even before yours (in the Lord of course). God’s people are distinguished by this unselfish love for it can only be achieved through the Holy Spirit. [Gal 5:22]

Be your spouse's friend

I have always treasured friendship. True friendship; where you do not take advantage of each other; but share a mutual and beneficial relationship. Life can be lonely at times but with a friend the burden becomes lighter. You know you are not alone and you have someone with which you can share your innermost feelings and also get to listen to them. With my friend at school we would do laundry together, pray together, laugh together, share stories together, and find ways of expressing our appreciation of friendship. We would do a lot together. Of course we did have our individual lives which we would give time for.

The greatest thing about having a friend is when you personally bring sunshine to somebody’s life. Making somebody happy, feel life’s worth and generally make that person appreciate that they have a friend. This brings greater joy. God says  in Proverbs 18:24 “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” We ought to be friendly in order to have friends. God became our friend first so that we could be His friends. Love awakens love. Let us take the first steps and be friends to our spouses.

Consciously talk to your spouse as a friend, invite him to join you in your endeavors, be involved in his endeavors, pray with him, keep in touch with him when you are separated during the working hours, appreciate his presence, be on the lookout on ways to express your friendship. There is nothing as sweet as having a friend but better still there is greater joy in giving the friendship than receiving it.

Sometimes we get so mixed up with our priorities forgetting that it is unselfish love that the Lord calls us to give. Anything less will not suffice but if we look up to Him, He will enable us to give unselfish and unconditional love even when we don’t receive it.

Be blessed as you share your friendship with your husband.

Special Moments

One marriage counselor once said, if ever there is a time that you feel you really love your spouse it should be now and not on the wedding day or during the honeymoon. Love should grow on a daily basis no matter what. Probably what makes love shrink is because we do not take time to work on our relationships. Love needs tending and nurturing in order to flourish.

I would like to propose what I call having ‘special moments’ with your spouse as a tool to nurture the relationship. ‘Special moments’ is when you see every interaction you have with your spouse as a special moment. Remember those courting days when you used to dress up for a date, when you would mind the way you talk in your fiancés presence, when you would want to make sure everything is in order – your hair is neat, the list goes on. We ought to continue to do this as it makes us always conscious that we are dealing with a special person in our lives. Dinner time at home; it does not have to be routine and boring. Come up with activities to do together, games to play, different ways to spend the evenings. Your life does not have to be boring or to be hyper active but home should be a haven of rest. Speak gracefully to your spouse; communicate your love to him. Just enjoy his company.

There are times when you won’t receive the same attention from your husband; God says come unto me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Talk to God in prayer your deepest feelings and He will take care of your concerns. It is very true that we can’t change our spouses but God can so lean on Him. On the other hand, love awakens love. If you continue to show love to your spouse, the Lord willing, He will soon be reciprocating. Even if he doesn’t, show him love anyways. He is your husband after all.

Creating special moments whenever you are with your spouse does not have to be expensive. The simple things of keeping a smile on your face, minding your language and selection of words, being a great company and just being unselfish will do just fine.

Maybe you have been taking things for granted so much that your love shrunk; do not despair for there is still hope. Pray to God and He will set you free for He delights in doing good for us. The Bible says in Proverbs 3:5,6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Take courage and answer to the call of God.

Start today, and make those ‘special moments’ for and with your spouse and be able to say, “I’ve never love him better than today.”